Marriage Is Hard

Don’t let the cute cliches fool you…

Marriage can and will be hard..I know that maybe daunting to some newlyweds…lol…but, hear me out…when you were younger you may have dreamed of how the right person that was made for you would come along and sweep you off your feet..our you would hear the angels sing out in confirmation..this beautiful moment you both share when the question is asked..”Would you marry me?’..surrounded by friends and loved ones as you join as one before God..dancing the night away as you were whisked off to the honeymoon of your dreams..and this may have happened for some and that is wonderful but, for most of us..this is not the way we started out and that is just as wonderful..I know for us personally we started out as a eighteen and nineteen year old couple who swore they knew what they were getting into…parents and friends who warned us to wait and that we were taking on a lot but, yet still in the end showed us unconditional love and support…

Growing Together…

We literally grew up in our early adulthood together..neither of us really experiencing life outside of our parents homes..when we were married that was our first time living with another besides our immediate families..and of course we had this fantasy of the perfect little life in the perfect little home..but, reality was a different story..we struggled with bills and each other..the youthfulness and immaturity was still there..there were things and habits that we weren’t yet ready to let go of..and it put a strain on our marriage and inevitably sowed seeds that would lay dormant and sprout up later in life..and some things that grew into full robust trees..that took a lot of pain staking work to cut down and not only cut down but, remove from the root so that they wouldn’t ever bloom again.. we both had a lot of growing up to do..but, I believe even if we would have married later in life we still would have had emotional baggage..I mean don’t we all..

Who To Unpack…

We each come into a new relationship with standards, boundaries and expectations..what we will and will not do..what we will and will not put up with..then love gets involved and the whole plan goes willy nilly..lol..and we find ourselves doing and accepting things that we thought we never would..sure no one wants a spouse that cheats on them..but, love will have you offering forgiveness even when your head is telling you..”You’re crazy”..but, you will be willing to fight for the one who may not be perfect but, perfect for you..we each have our own baggage that life has handed us..some of it may be small travel bags and others may be full trunks that need bellhop assistance..lol…but, when we find the one who is willing to help let go of those things that we have had a grip on for life..that weigh us down emotionally and/or physically..who help us carry the load until we are ready to put them down..then we know we have who we need…

One + One = One…

Take two people who have grown up differently, matured differently and learned life differently and put them under the same roof and now they have to move forward together…yeah, not so easy…just think of the little things..I personally was raised with putting ketchup in the cabinet..with him it went in the refrigerator..that’s a difference right there..do we comprise or do we buy two bottles of ketchup..(it’s been kept in the cabinet for 26 years now by the way :)…there are some many factors that have to now work as a cohesive unit in order to see and experience real progress…marriage isn’t some thing that you can fake..not, if you want it to deepen and develop..you have to be willing to put in the work if you want to enjoy the fruits of the labor..

50/50 Where?…

Marriage requires striving to give 100% in all areas…will we fail..of course..more than once..but, we will also be amazed in the areas that we flourish and shine…we have to play on each other’s strengths..whoever is better with the fiances..let them handle majority of it..if one is better with the day to day household activities allow them to take the reins..but, still being an active part in the process..I know for one I like to straighten up..but, my husband likes to deep clean and I have no problem whatsoever with this gift God has given him..lol…seeing each other as equal partners with one goal in mind…which is to create a life where you both are heard, respected, valued and loved is key…there are no lesser roles or parts…each piece is just as important as the next..

Standing Alone…

Some times you may feel like your alone even while married..yes, you can sleep with what feels like a stranger..loneliness has no barriers..our spouse maybe having their own personal struggles that may cause them to pull away or even lash out..divorce may even be lingering in the air..but, it’s a choice of what to do..do you fight or flight..it’s hard to see clearly when tears maybe burning your eyes..hands don’t find it easy to comfort when they are being put up to emotionally defend..love maybe strained when the one you attached love to chooses to hurt you…been there..didn’t like it, but held on to things getting better…and, what was my saving grace.. my relationship with the Lord. Jesus Christ..in all complete honestly..I won’t claim it was self help..it was God plain and simple..we both have stood alone until we learned how to stand together…

Hard, But So Worth It…

Every day is not a walk in the park..but, our view can be..we can choose to look at this for the long haul or we can have a back up plan just in case it doesn’t work..(which in my personal opinion is planning for failure)..I choose to give all that I have..to love hard and wholeheartedly..to invest with everything I have in me..if I’m giving him what he wants and he’s giving me what I want (and he is..lol) then we both are being satisfied and that’s what it’s all about..a satisfied life as husband and wife..

Marriage is hard..but, loving can be too…